Is there a difference between being lonely and single….?
Single to me means unmarried, not dating, living life independently, whereas lonely carries a connotation of isolation and misery.
I’m going to be really honest, there was a time when I didn’t use to think there was a difference between the two, which is really weird because I had spent more years single than I was in a relationship.
But for me, it was always a choice I had made to not date.
If you had asked me at age 21 whether I was happy being single, I would have laughed, because I was ecstatic!
Prior to getting serious about God back in 2013, I was enjoying single life, and not feeling lonely because of it. I had been on dates, gotten to know a few guys and was just ending a short term relationship with a very Lukewarm Leke. Dating was the furthest thing from my mind, as I was discovering Christianity, and the last thing I wanted to do was date someone else.
Fast forward to 2017, and I feel like I’ve come full circle again. I’ve been in a serious long term relationship, I’ve been in a not-so-serious long distance relationship, and I have dated some “impressive” (what I would call ‘seemingly solid’ guys), but I’ve again made a choice to say no to that and embrace singleness again.
And that was hard.
Firstly because it was a choice I actually made, with no help from another person.
I often find when I face big life decisions, I need to confer with someone, or seek an easy way out. And there was none, because this was my heart, and I couldn’t seek counsel from man about that – I just had to go to God.
Difficult as that was for me, it was also necessary. I’ve learnt to rely on God more, which is kinda why I don’t feel lonely.
I do feel single. But single for me means free, and right now that feeling of freedom is the greatest feeling in the world.
Relationships are a beautiful thing, but the wrong relationship can destroy you if you’re not careful.
lso loneliness to me is a state of mind. It’s the idea of feeling alone, and then being trapped, isolated with that thought. That is lonely – and you can be in a room full of people and still feel that.
So in conclusion, there is a difference – single is how you choose to live your life, whereas lonely is often your thinking and the way you perceive yourself. (Of course, I’m going to caveat that with perhaps it’s easier for me to say that as quite frankly I’ve always had a consistent stream of attention from guys in the past.) Obviously there are many people who are single not out of choice, but because no one has approached with the view of dating them. But I don’t view that as a bad thing, neither do I think it reflects on your person, attractiveness or likability in anyway. I’d like to think that even if I had never dated anyone in the past, I would trust God enough to know that my value is not derived from how many men want to take me to dinner. Our identity is in Christ, and our value was already decided when Christ declared us His Bride and paid for us with His life.
So if you’re reading this and you are currently single, whether you would like to be or not – accept it, own it, embrace it. Albeit for a short period, or a longer one, don’t allow yourself to confuse singleness with loneliness – you’re better than that.