Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
Proverbs 4 v 23
Love, and the period leading to falling in love, is a beautiful thing. You know the feeling, when you meet someone, boy meets girl, girl meets boy, boy tells girl how he feels and girl makes a decision.
I think one of the things I have struggled with in the past is knowing what to say, and how much to say, about my relationships.
Should I wait 1 month? Perhaps 2? Maybe 6 months?? Or should I not tell anyone at all??!!
As Christians, accountability and transparency is central to godly relationships. It’s important to have spiritual mentors and godly counsel from your parents, pastors, elders and Christian couples you admire. Nothing should be hidden in darkness, so we should welcome opportunities to seek advice from those who have succeeded and continue to succeed in the olympic event often referred to as Marriage.
In the past, I found that I have been quite open
perhaps too open if I’m being honest, but that often led to issues. If my past has taught me anything, it is to be discreet. Sometimes you find a good thing, and you want to shout it from the rooftops (haven’t we all been there?) but often our feelings are premature.
So this is my advice to anyone entering into a new relationship, and you think you really like him and you’re sure that he really likes you….
- Pray – This can’t be emphasised enough. Now let’s imagine you meet a nice* Christian* guy – well, the first action should be to pray and I am going to presume that the basic prayers such as God, is this person for me? What is his intention? Reveal to me his heart. The reality is, when dating, we need to pray on our own and also with the person we are dating, in order to hear God’s mind on the relationship.
- Don’t talk to anyone yet – Believe me, I know how hard this can be, especially when you meet someone amazing, and your entire demeanour changes. It may not be anything obvious, but just slight differences in your normal pattern of behaviour. I’ve been told that one of my giveaways to indicate when I am dating is I seem to be in a rush to get back home whenever I am out, and my already wide smile gets that much bigger. I can’t say I have noticed to be honest…. But in any event, limit yourself
and your mouthand the number of people you share your relationship with in the early days. Nowadays, I say have a confidante, mine is usually my mother, and just be upfront with them. Ask them to pray alongside you, and stick with it.
- Get to know him – This is so obvious and so basic, I know, but you should give yourself a chance to know the person as best as you can. Establish the relationship. Solidify the relationship. Consolidate the relationship. It will take time, and honestly, you are not going to know everything, but give yourself a chance to learn as much as you can. People always say that you should marry your best friend, but best friends are not born overnight.
- Keep praying. Again, I can’t stress this enough. Pray for discernment, because love is not blind, lust is. And you will need to figure out whether you have found love or love. If the latter, once it is serious, you can bring it forward.
I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, until he please.
Song of Solomon 8 v 4