This week marks the last week of 6 Red Flags. Yaaay. Lol. I won’t lie, I am – and will be – glad to put this to bed. It has been an emotional journey recalling some of my dating errors, and I am tired lol.
So far, we have looked at five flags in depth and at length:
Red Flag 1: Jealousy
Red Flag 2: Insecurity
Red Flag 3: Hypersensitivity
Red Flag 4: Loneliness
Red Flag 5: Lying
This week, I have have gone back to Proverbs 6 for my sixth and final Red Flag:
16 These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:Proverbs 6 v 16-19
17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
Have you guessed it? OK, I’ll give you another one:
For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.1 John 2 v 16
Still no? Alright, perhaps I can make it easier by re-introducing you to KingBae through the only way I know how – a page torn from the diary of
a mad black woman a naive young girl a crazy Christian chick yours truly. And just to give you some context, we had just come back from church, had dinner and were meant to be having what was a relationship-defining conversation… but it actually ended up being a relationship-destroying conversation. It was actually the last conversation we had in-person…
SS: I can’t do this.
SS: No, this is….this is so wrong. This is actually ridiculous. We always end up here. We can’t keep ending up here. This is too much.
SS: I can’t. No, I won’t. This is the last time we are going to see each other. I don’t want to see you again.
KingBae: Babe stop it.
SS: No don’t “babe” me – I mean it – this is the end. This is the last time you’re going to see me – I’m done.
KingBae: (Laughing) Babe, babe, you know that isn’t going to happen. You know that can’t happen. You say this everytime but it’s never the end. I know you too well and you know me – it’s never the end. We always end up together. It’s just how it is. We will always end up together.
SS: No, not anymore. I’m finished.
KingBae: Babe (laughing) we can break up as many times as you like but we are going to be right back here in another year. This is just how it is. Trust me, Ada, we will always end up together.
I think you got it by now, but just in case, for the first and last time, flag number six…
Red Flag 6: Pride
So who was KingBae?
Well, up until December 2018, he was actually The One*.
The on-again-off-again boo thang.
He wasn’t just Bae, he was King of the Baes.
I used to say that in KingBae I had found the male version of me. Again, such a narcissistic and problematic statement, because lo and behold, two years later I realise that I don’t actually need the male version of me.
I mean, if I like me that much I need only wait for the world to redefine marriage one more time and I am sure that I will be able to marry myself – well myself or a slice of lemon cake, it just depends on how I’m feeling that day…or maybe I can have lemon cake at my wedding to myself oooohh??
He was a special breed.
I don’t know how many men have had me singing Keyshia Cole’s back catalouge, but oh yessssss, Ms Keyshia “Queen of Heartbreak RnB” Cole. And no, not the new stuff – I’m talking the Just Like Me album. You know when things are going good and you’re singing ‘Heaven Sent’, then somehow somehow you get singing ‘I Remember’ to angry singing ‘Shoulda Let You Go’ and then dancing and singing to ‘Let It Go’. Including Lil Kim’s rap. Yesssss. Listen if you know, then you knowwww. In fact, he was the illustration of why Baeship is evil wicked destined to fail isn’t such a great thing.
Wow. Poetry keh?
Oh yes, messy messy feelings. So messy that they can only be captured in Prose. Just call me Stephanie Shakespeare. SO cringe. Part of me is thinking “Stephanie did you actually write this” but when we discuss Soul Ties in another blog, you will understand why…
So why am I sharing this?
Because in one simple conversation, KingBae let his mask slip. Prior to that day, I had a very special type of lense in my rose-tinted glasses. I thought he was near perfect. But in a few telling sentences, he told me all I needed to know about my future with him.
In that I had no future with him. Not one that I would be happy with anyway.
He was so sure that we would end up together, irrespective of how many times we broke up…and got back together…and broke up…and got back together…and broke up…and got back together…and, well you get the picture.
But guess what? I don’t actually blame him.
I blame me.
I take full responsibility for that failed relationship.
Because I knew better but yet I chose to do worse.
And I want someone to learn from my mistake.
Because KingBae was a massive schoolgirl error. It all started so well and with so much promise, but it ended ugly and with disappointment. We seemed to have been through it all, and there I was thinking we were destined to make it, but we didn’t or couldn’t, but hey, I will get into that on another night.
I actually haven’t got any more words for today…
Except this one:
“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, until he please”
The journey continues… #TheChroniclesOfBae
* Oh I don’t believe in The One. There may be One(s), or Many Potentials, but a singular One, nah, I’m no longer sold…