Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.
– 3 John 2
“Stephanie…WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??!”
Ok, so first things first – I have missed you guys SO much.
I have so missed THIS, but God knows that it was a necessary pause.
Four months though. FOUR ACTUAL MONTHS??! People get married in that time you know! People leave ministries in that time!! People change careers!!!
Ohhhhhhhh. Yes, four months. Don’t throw stones biko. Am I not back?
It has been a minute but today I am back, and it’s a very strange time to be blogging, but if there is anything that I have learnt during our current Coronavirus pandemic, it is how much we need to do the things that make us happy, or at least feel normal.
Yes, things do not feel normal today
and if we are honest, they haven’t felt normal for a minute, and yes, it is unlikely that we will return to “normal” as we knew it before, but still, we can do the little things.
And seek to find what I am calling the “silver linings in everyday”.
So this is me going back to my normal, aka today’s silver lining…
When I started this blog back in 2013/14, I wasn’t trying to stick to it. Lol.
Nah mate, blogging was such hard work and I really didn’t have the patience/time/energy/commitment levels.
And when I began The Chronicles of Bae series last year, I didn’t really know where it would end.
For me, it was therapy.
The cathartic release of written dating diaries and relationship histories.
I mean, I’ve made some shake-my-head errors,
but y’all already know that because you’ve read the blog and I’ve made some finger-clicking, top-notch decisions, usually off the back of an epiphany, or “Stepiphany” moment, and you have all been witnesses to it.
The good, the bad and the ugly – no holds barred, but written in the hope and belief that my tales would make you stop, think, laugh a little
or a lot depending on which post you were reading and listen.
In fact, if any of my posts could have encouraged one reader to rethink a poor relationship decision, or commit to finding themselves before they found their next partner, I would consider it a win.
Because ultimately, that is what The Chronicles of Bae has been all about.
Yes, I can go on super Spiri’ and say that the ultimate Bae in your life is JESUS, but would you believe it if I said it?
Is your heart convinced of that as a fact?
Does your life demonstrate that to be true?
Or is it just something we sing during a worship service and say because it reads well on Christian merch?
For many of us, Bae has been whoever was willing to give us the attention we needed, the company we craved and the affirmation we yearned for.
But after you’re done sending emojis on iMessage and he has said all the sweet nothings over a good steak dinner, what is left?
Listen, I am not mad at you. We all need to eat, and if they are serving up steak and chips with Hollandaise sauce and a good Claret or Bordeaux, I ain’t even mad. Don’t @ my wine choices, I will @ your WhatsApp history please and thanks. #TriedIt
I’ll tell you what’s left – absolutely nothing. Just bare memories and unnecessary confessionals.
Oh yes, some of us are doing the most when it comes to dating. Listen, I get it. Shebi you want to be giggling on the phone until 3am? Yes, we all doooo. But is it wise or clever? Noooo Auntie, it’s not.
If no one told you before, lemme make it super clear: Sis, it’s not worth it.
Is it everyday wine and dine?? These times your relationship history is looking like 50 First Dates. Forget Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, your dating past is starring various Hood Guys, Uni Boys, Church Bruddas and the occasional African Uncle. Don’t @ me, go and @ your insatiable appetite for a Friday Night Out. #TriedItAgain #StayAtHome
You will actually thank me later, no Drake.
Because if I learnt anything in my last Single Season, it was this – I am rubbish at being single. It took ages to get comfortable with that, like 6 actual months lol. I didn’t even realise how accustomed I had gotten to being in a relationship, but being single was so new for me. So new in fact that I kept cutting corners, or letting the wrong people in. It took absolute agessss but by the grace of God, I got there.
It was an 11th hour turnaround but I got there, and I want you to get there too, because ultimately, we have to come to terms with this truth: being single is meant to be a blessing. Fact.
The very same way that marriage is a blessing, being unmarried is also a blessing. But it is only a blessing if you receive it as such.
The Bible tells us that God alone is the source of ALL spiritual blessings, and that Jesus is the ONLY way we can access them. #Fact
If you want to enjoy singleness, you are going to have to learn to enjoy it in God. #Fact
If you want to make it to marriage, you will only get there with Jesus. #Fact
If you want to stay married, you are going to have to rely on the Holy Spirit. #Fact
And do you wanna know the best and worst part – there are no shortcuts.
And depending on how you read that, that’s gonna suck. And that’s ok lol. Because part of the journey is coming to terms with the real and the ideal.
Yes, perhaps you want to be married with the 2 kids, little dog and white picket fence home somewhere on the outskirts of London. That’s the ideal, right?
But what’s the real?
Perhaps you’re single, with a string of Exes you could never quite make stick.
Perhaps you’ve been single for a while, and no one seems to be checking for you.
Or maybe you’ve never dated anyone in your entire life, and that feels disappointing.
To be honest, I’m going to say what I always say in my blogs: surrender.
Surrender all those feelings.
Surrender the guilt, shame, disappointment and whatever else you have felt over the past few years, not just now in 2020.
Surrender all of that, and be grateful for what you do have, even if it feels like nothing.
Trust me when I say that I feel you, and completely understand the disappointments from years gone past. Guys, this is meee. I get it.
2019 was a year of transitioning for a lot of us.
Moving in and out of relationships.
Blurred boundary borders within friendships.
Unlearning bad habits and relearning good behaviour.
Truth be told, for me, it wasn’t always pretty
but you all know that, because you were there on the journey but it was needed.
So I want to invite you on a different kind of journey with me this year. More than just talking about singleness, dating and relationships, I want to give you a bit more. It’s a journey to appreciating yourself, valuing your lived experience and just enjoying your life sha.
If 2019 was the year I found and re-found myself, then 2020 will forever be known as the year in which I found love.
Yes, no typos were detected in that line. It happened. Stephanie’s in love.
Not kinda or a little, but a lot.
And you know what, it feels really good.
And probs because it’s not like anything I’ve ever known or imagined, it has made me question whether I have ever known love before.
For once I can’t say that he found me, or even that I found him, only that it was a very happy day in Heaven when God put us together.
So yeah, I’ve been met by love, but not just any love, THE love, my Ahavah love. But I will get into that in another post and as we continue our next chapter.
So let’s go…
(PS – Yes, his codename/nickname is still pending. I don’t know whether to call him RealBae, TrueBae, FinalBae or LastBae, but since he is all of the above, I will settle on H.I.M lol.)
(PPS – Oh and for those wondering about the scripture from 3 John 2, ALWAYS go back to the Word – it will always reveal your heart’s condition <3)