The Chronicles of Bae: Love, Lockdown and Men Who Won’t Commit

“A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.”

-James 1:8

Hi Hiiiiiiiiiii. Lol. How many times have I opened up this blog with an explanation of why I’ve not posted or written in a while? We don’t even have time to get into it today, but long story long, I got tired of revisiting old situations and I forgot the power of my past in lifting someone out of their present.

Yep. But I’m back.

And I’m good.

And I’m coming in clutch for this season’s posts. Oh guys, it has been a minute but here we go…!

So, the PM has been on the telly in recent days and we’ve got a roadmap that continues. Yay! We getting’ out of lockdown babyyyyy (in another 2months or so God willing) but heyyyy we getting out boo!

Don’t know about anyone else, but BoJo could not have brought his roadmap update soon enough cahhh I’m ready.

Like I miss church.

I miss the office.

I miss the gym.

I miss going to people’s houses or hosting people at mine.

I miss all the small and silly things I used to do just because I could, do you know what I mean?

Anyway, now that we’re in April and the start of Q2, I’m trying to get myself ready by revisiting my goals for 2021 and seeing what I can achieve in this time until we return to “normal”. One of my goals is still to stick with this blog, no matter how difficult it may get to write, and no matter how long it has been since my last post.

Oh yes, you heard me last time, but hear me again – there’s still a few people we need to watch out for and avoid during these remaining 70 or so days until the end of lockdown. We did The Non-Christian already, but if you didn’t catch it, exit stage right and have a read here. You’re welcome 🙂

But for those of us who have already been on the journey, here’s the recap:

1. The Non-Christian
2. The Non-Committer
3. The Blast From The Past

Today we are looking at number two: The Non-Committer

Sigh. Guys…I can’t stand these type of men and you shouldn’t stand for them either.

You should know them by now.

These men are here for a good time.

They want your ear and your tongue.

They want you to listen to them, chat with them and occasionally go out.

They want to be doing up FaceTimes, midnight convos and maybe even fall asleep on the phone.

They want you to INVEST – your time, your energy, your whole person into them, and often times, we do.

Sis, avoid, avoid, A V O I D.

These guys will waste your time and your life.

You meet them one year and they are gassing about how much they want with you, how much they love you and how they see you in their future.

But BLINK. 5 years have passed and we’re still talking that talk.

And it might not be 5 years my sis.

It might be 10 years.

Or 10 months.

The length of time actually doesn’t matter.

What matters is that you’re dealing with a person who has no plan for you, your relationship or your collective future and your time is going to be wasted.

Don’t actually have it. All because of “good time”. My friend, if you want a good time, go to Thorpe Park. I’m not on it. Good time keh? Do I look like Stealth? Is my name Colossus or Nemesis Inferno? Don’t annoy me kmt.

Alright Steph, we hear you….

Nah you don’t. I’m noticing some trends in 2021, that some people that want to be played like a PS5 console. Carry on. But as for me and my household, it’s a no. Sorry but no. Not in 2021 honey.

Sis, in case no one told you, some of the Non-Committers are spirits masquerading as men.

Spirits of delay and disappointment….also known as “Desmond”.

Spirits of confusion and complacency…..also going by “Chris”.

Or the worse yet, spirits of settling and so-so…..also moonlighting as “Sele”.

Yuck. Reject all forms for yourself this year my sis.

Wow…ok Steph, so serious, is it well????

Lol I’m sorry it sounds dramatic but I have lived experience in this. A time-wasting brother used to frequent my timeline, was all over my iMessages and we were dating for a minute.

And I made excuses for his lack of…shall we say, pace…

It was only when I went to a party and spoke to a lady who had broken up with her man and was turnt upppp, getting licked off her face – and that wasn’t the shocking part – that I stopped making excuses, because the shocking part was that this lady and her babes had dated for 15 years.

Wow.

I said yepa.

It wasn’t her alcohol consumption.

It wasn’t her lack of faith.

It was the fact that she had been a passenger in a 15 year relationship that never arrived at the intended destination.

But you know what, it hit me.

The fact that I’m a Christian does not preclude me from falling into the same cycle, and the fact that you are, does not protect you either.

Ok, so you’re saved.

Ok, so is he (you think.)

Ok, you’re not living together but please, pleaseeeee someone tell me what on earth 2 people do in a relationship spanning more than a decade when they are not married??? I’ll wait.

Who knows what on earth the guy said to my girl to keep her in a relationship for 15 years. I can’t even begin to imagine, but you know what I think, it might have been something similar to what my Ex was saying to me, or dare I say it, what some of your boys are telling you now.

And yes, BOYS. Men do not linger. A double-minded man is unstable in all of his ways the Bible tells us. Boys are fickle, men are focused.

But I don’t want to lay blame at guys. This is obviously not a gendered problem, because trust me, some women are reeking of commitment issues too. Each party must acknowledge the part they play in wasted and wasteful relationships.

Because you can’t tell me that a man strung you along for years, because I will reply and say that you let him.

You wanted him to put a ring on it.

The warning signs were there, but you chose to overlook that.

You probs sought counsel from friends or got unrequested advice from family, and you ignored it.

But babygirl, no one is strung along – we choose to believe what we want to. I had to own that, so you should too.

Yeah but Steph, that’s not me. I mean, who’s waiting 10 years though???

Aight cool. Let’s call it 10 months. After 10 months of dating someone, what has shifted?

In fact, how about we slot in any arbitrary amount of time to reflect the length of time that you have spent talking to/getting to know the guy who currently has you up late at night.

Do you know him more today than you did in month 2 or 3?

Does he know your family or your friends?

Do you know his?

Do you feel like he has opened up to you? Or are we still doing this hiding thing?

You know the game, the old “let’s-not-tell-anyone-that-we-are-seeing-each-other-but-let’s-still-see-each-other” thing. This odd compartmentalisation of relationship.

Are you both accountable to anyone? Not just individually though, but as a couple committed to seeking God’s best in relationship and marriage. Are you?

If you can’t answer yes here, or if you are even looking at me with blank stares, let’s leave it there.

Don’t do another day with a Non-Committer. Trust me when I say that it is a prison sentence.

Seriously don’t do it. Instead, call it out.

Be brave to stick it on somebody you know is wasting your time and resource – you’ll be surprised by the honesty.

Ask questions and WATCH for the response.

Finally, as I close up today’s post, I wanna end by giving a warning – as we prepare our minds, bodies and diaries for every motive, mood and movement that will beckon us during summer 2021, let’s also prepare our hearts.

Irrespective of what kind of Lockdown Love comes your way, don’t just listen to what the person says, actually watch and observe what the person does. Covid has people moving mad and Non-Committers are roaming these streets looking for who to devour. Let it not be you oooo.

Next week – number 3, the blast from the past…

SS x