Happy 2023 Everyone!
Guys, it’s been a minute.
In fact, I know it’s been more than a minute, it’s been an actual while, but I think, I’m back, properly this time…
And by “a while”, I mean it’s been 18 actual months *gulp*.
Yes, you read it right, 18 months, not intentional but it happened.
Yes, 18 months, and I’ve not moved abroad lol
Yes, months and I suppose I’m trying to make it better by dropping another long overdue blog post.
Bear with me guys, I’m tryna get back on my horse. Lord knows that my blogging horse needs to be tamed, and God help me, I will try and get back on it.
For those who were missing me and wondering when I’d pop back, nope, I didn’t quit. I only quit toxic habits and bad posture learnt during 22 months of working from home. I mean, gosh, talk about correct form. Ya sis really needs a new ergonomical chair or something…
And nope, I don’t hate blogging. I only hate olives. Yuck, like whoever discovered them needs to be sent to the sunken place please and tenk yewwwww.
And no, I didn’t retire. I only retired from overexerting my emotions and getting dragged into other people’s drama. Can’t say I miss either though babes, but we’ll get into that on a different day lol.
Nah I’m back, and for those who didn’t get the press release or hear it on the grapevine, I’ve been engaged, married and now I am currently sitting between Newlywed Road and Honeymoon Avenue.
Your girl went from being a Mrs-in-the-making to a whole Mrs…and I kinda love it ❤
Won’t get into all the deets today (seriously, today is just a quick “hello again” lol, but I will share more in a future post), but if you read this blog during the pandemic, you’ll know that I’ve been happily loved up with my Love for a minute. Read more candyfloss flavoured lovey-dovey stuff here.
It’s kinda fun.
It’s deffo different.
One of these days, I’ll write a blog about where I’ve been and where I am in this season of marriage (gosh, I am signing up to writing a whole lotta explanatory blogs aren’t I?)
But today, we are talking rules for this new year.
Life feels good, and it’s taught me – and is teaching me – some small small lessons I wanted to share as a prelude to life in Twenty Twenty Free.
Yeah, no typo, this is a freedom year – free to dream, free to build and free from all the nonsense of 2022, 2021, and dare I say it, the infamous 2020. *shivers*
Shameless disclosure: I still don’t do resolutions, only revolutions. If you want resolutions or some ideas on starting the year off right, please check out this oldie but a goodie here.
So for this year, here are a few of my tips for 2023 (aka Twenty Twenty Free):
1. Start your day with God.
You wouldn’t expect a Christian blogger to start anywhere outside of Christ lol.
My best tip for this year? Enjoy time with God.
Set a goal to improve, rebuild or maintain your spiritual and prayer life.
Wherever you are and however you meet Him, invest in Jesus and reap the Holy Spirit.
Don’t over-engineer it.
Don’t overcomplicate things.
Don’t create rigid spaces or places to meet God.
Just start, and cut yourself some slack if you trip up with your new prayer habit.
You don’t need to follow a plan or a programme that doesn’t suit you, but do what works.
And stop finding excuses to avoid God.
What ails you? Pray about it.
What hurts? Make it a supplication.
Start your day, every day, with God in 2023.
2. REST days are not optional.
I’m not even going to say much here. I think your body will preach this message better than I ever could.
Listen to yours in 2023.
Rest days babes – and we ain’t talking about the gym.
Your body has a way to shut you down in order to shut you up.
If you miss it, you will be very not fine. Very, very not fine.
Never neglect self care. You matter more.
3. Relationships are hard and take work.
Hmmm. Take it from a lover of relationshipping, it’s a nurturing process.
Be intentional about everything that matters.
Be intentional with everyone who matters.
Appreciate that the best ‘ships – relationships and friendships – are reciprocal. You are not meant to do all of the heavy lifting, and if you feel like you are, something might be wrong.
Similarly, friends are not voluntary therapists. If you need someone to listen to the mess without offering a comment or opinion, pay for that service through a registered professional. It’s a heavy load for one friend to bear.
Relationships also require boundaries, and dare I say it, if changed, boundaries will be tested. But don’t let things go unsaid.
It’s important to be clear regarding your boundaries with people. That means your bestie, your brother, your mother and your great aunt Jemima. Don’t be afraid of people who don’t respect your boundaries; they probably didn’t expect you to stick with them.
Lastly, maintain your integrity above all. Behave in line with your character and not your reputation.
4. Starve your inner critic.
I cannot stress this enough, but allow yourself to believe in yourself.
I don’t know what plan you are thinking of, or what ambition you have, or what goal is laid on your heart, but believe in you.
Why can’t you and why shouldn’t you?
Starve your inner critic, that voice that tells you you’ve missed it, or you don’t deserve it, or it never will be possible.
Starve that voice, and drown out your outer critics.
Give yourself license to dream, and support the dreams of those around you.
One of my favourite things about getting ready for marriage was building a dream with another person, a dream that we get to live out and work through every day.
Give yourself permission and freedom to consider nothing too crazy, nothing too OTT – everything is possible.
5. Do something – anything – creative.
Read, write, sing, draw, dance, film. Take in colour in your life. I don’t know how else to put it, but exercise creativity and colour.
6. Accept help.
GURLLLLL. THIS is hard.
Hmm who needs help?
Or rather, who’s brave enough to admit it?
I do, and I’m really focused on finding that.
Awkward I know. And a bit weird. But true – and humbly – I need it you know.
I don’t know what help looks like for you – medical, mental, physical, emotional, financial, spiritual, but seek it, find it, acquire it, learn it and internalise it.
7. Share as you go and grow.
So once you’ve started the journey of accepting help, share it, and show someone else how to receive help too.
We are all teachers and students.
If you are a disciple you never stop being a learner, so be open to sharing what you find and maybe discovering what others have learnt too.
Ok, that literally is it. But…
Honourable Mentions:
I want to give a few honourable mentions as I realise that I didn’t say anything about finance but childdddd, if I could, here’s a few side tips for Finance X Money in 2023…
Have a firm sense of “enough”
Have a line and a limit. Spirit of Contentment and that. Simples.
I’m a big advocate of tending to your own garden.
It’s 2023 – ain’t no body trying to keep up with the Joneses. The Joneses don’t exist bro – they are living off credit cards and tryna push back that Klarna payment one more time. The pressure is getting worserrrrrr.
Don’t let the illusion of another person, or other people’s wealth blind you. Pull out the weeds, mow the grass, water your plants and cut down every wiry branch. Focus on your ting my g.
Focusing on changing your behaviour, not your life
I’m a big fan of Uncle Dave Ramsey, so those that know, KNOW – Baby Steps! You can’t outrun bad behaviours – fix your behaviours if you want to fix your money.
Every pound must have a home:
I probably could have started with this, but budgeting is life.
Like, not just income v outgoings, but an actual living document that flexes with your spending.
Keep your budget my bro, control your spending and max out a side hustle if you have one.
Invest in the best
Try to invest in the best of everything.
Don’t buy things you don’t need, and when you do need something, buy the best you can buy – this works for clothes, cars and cakes lol.
Let this be the year of quality, not quantity.
You know how deep your pockets are, but you also know your values, tastes and preferences.
And don’t force it – expensive does not always mean excellent so forget the labels and brands for a sec and buy what’s best for you.
Peugeot v Bentleys, Primark v Prada, Aldi v Waitrose. Your money, your choice, your voice, no judgment!
Work your 9-5 girl
Ok super controversial view coming in, but some of us need to just stay in work and stop crying about not owning the shop.
This is not me saying don’t have ambition, please do, but not at the detriment of what is in your hand.
Yes, I knowwww, they call you Baby Elon.
Yessss, I know you are the future female Dangote.
But pass your probation abeg and put in a shift at the place that sends you BACS transfers once a month.
Your job will always be the best route to wealthy, no matter how you slice it. Spirit of Excellence meets work unto God babes.
Until next week… x
Stephanie Speaks On 