The Chronicles of Bae: Forgive Them

⁸ Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.

⁹ After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.

¹⁰ Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.

¹¹ Give us this day our daily bread.

¹² And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

¹³ And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

– Matthew 6 v 8 – 13

I’m going to start today’s post with some encouragement – God will always prepare your heart for your journey, all you need to do is surrender. Whether He wants you to give over your obedience, or your will, or maybe your desire or your own way of thinking, let it downnnn. God always prepares us for the most frightening journeys and it begins with us getting out of our own way – surrendering.

Now on to this week in the ‘Our Father’ series and obviously we had to touch on forgiveness. In fact, this one is a basic imperative: Forgive them.

#DarisIt Seriously. That is actually it. Some of you Spirit-led people, you already know. Some of you Bible Scholars, you already know the scriptures, so what are you looking at me for? Lol don’t @ me, @ your KJV.

The bible is so clear on forgiveness, I feel it’s one of those unarguable points. We have all read it: Matt 6:14-15, Matt 18:21-22, Mark 11:25, Luke 6:27, Luke 17:3-4 – if you love your letters to the church like me, Col 3:13 or Eph 4:32 boo.

Forgive them.

Him.

Her.

Whoever “them” is, just forgive.

He let you down, right?

She hurt you, right?

They lied? Of course they did, but still, forgive ’em.

Why?

Because they don’t deserve it – but neither do you.

I’m talking to my sisters with this one because I feel that a lot of us have been carrying pain that we ought to let down.

I know. He told you that he cared about you and that what you guys had was different….but he still left you to be with someone else.

I know. He told you that it would only be the one time, that it didn’t have to happen often….but after the act you were still left feeling dirty and angry and ashamed.

I know. He told you that you were special and that he couldn’t wait to make you his wife….and then you found out he already had one.

I know. He told you that he was sorry, that he wouldn’t do it again….but here you are trying to cover up his latest injury.

I know. He told you that he loved you and that he wanted you guys to make it….but he still left.

I know because I have been there – we have all been there: let down by men and boys who we gave our hearts to because we thought they cared. But will we forever hold on to hurt that we are afraid to let down?

I remember when he told me. He knew I was going to hate him and that it would spell the end of our relationship, but he just couldn’t hide it from me.

In his defence, he had been beating himself up about it ever since.

In his defence, we had had a maaaaassive fight and apparently I had said that I never wanted to see him again. I genuinely don’t remember saying that, but tbh I used to punctuate a lot of our BIG arguments with that line. We had like 5-7 major blow-ups – Common catchphrase in that relationship.

In his defence, I had stopped taking his calls.

In his defence, he thought that we were over, or at the very least “on a break” in that Ross and Rachel way that only ever exists in sitcoms.

In his defence he only slept with her once. And she didn’t mean anything to him. Oh, and he was sorry. Well, at least that’s what he told me in his defence.

I heard a lot of defences from this guy lol. Believe it or not, we made breaking up to make up a trend, and as much as I hate to admit it, we continued to pursue a toxic relationship in which he would lavish affection on me, and I would resist it until I couldn’t. I thought I could forgive him, but in my heart I despised him, because he wasn’t worthy of my love, and I reminded him of that each time I demonstrated my lack of trust in him and in our relationship.

That right there is a page torn from my diary folks. But why am I sharing? Because I am asking you today to do something grand and brave – forgive the person who has hurt you, not for their sake, or even God’s but for your own. It’s not even about their worthiness of your forgiveness – how could it be? It was never about our worthiness with God.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Let’s forgive them anyway, because forgiveness is born out of appreciation of God’s love and mercy.

When I think that I don’t have to score brownie points with God – He loves me already.

I don’t have to endear myself to God – He calls me dear and beloved and beautiful.

I don’t have to try and curry His favour – I already have it.

I don’t have to win Him over – He won me.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 yo.

In case they never said it, I am saying it today – I’m sorry.

I AM SORRY.

I’m sorry for the shame, the embarrassment, the hurt and everything else he put you through.

I’m sorry he made excuses, offered lies and gaslighted you into thinking that it was your problem.

I’m sorry he allowed his pain to wound you. And I’m sorry he never admitted that.

And this is going beyond your Ex now guys – I speak this over every person who has hurt you, not just those you loved romantically but those you were /are related to – fathers, brothers, friends and relatives. Some of our heartbreaks didn’t come from those we were in love with, but from those who were meant to love us. Some of those hurts go deeper, because we cannot request a “sorry” from those who have gone to the grave, and we can’t call back apologies from those who have abandoned us.

This week, I made a decision to forgive someone of something that I didn’t ever realise that I was carrying, but God had been dropping it in my spirit for a minute, and I relinquished. Because this rule applies to everyone, not just ex-bfs/ex-gfs. I don’t want us to allow the past person to ruin it for the next person, simply because we are viewing it through the lense of past person’s mistakes.

In case they never say it, I am saying it now – I am sorry. Let’s forgive ’em.