The Chronicles of Bae: Infatuation II

Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.

-Song of Solomon 8:6-7 KJV

So we are back with another one, and this week, we want to continue the ten points on infatuation.

If you haven’t read last week’s post, what are you waiting forrrrr? Check it out here, but just to recap, here’s the five we spoke about last time:

  1. Infatuation is sudden, Love is gradual.
  2. Infatuation is highly emotional, Love is faithfully consistent. 
  3. Infatuation is idealistic, Love is realistic.
  4. Infatuation is based on a feeling, Love is based on a commitment.
  5. Infatuation is weakened by separation, Love is strengthened by separation.

So what’s next?

6. Infatuation is seeking to find happiness, Love is seeking to give happiness. Hmmmm. This bit pinches small, because if we are honest, many of us have had relationships that were all about SELF – self-centred, self-reliant, self-absorbed – shall I continue? I can recall too many times in my previous dating history when I was all about what I could get – whether that was attention, affection or affirmation – and it was a really toxic place to be, because you end up moving from person to person trying to feed an insatiable appetite. Real Talk, Real Walk, but if your number one goal in your relationship isn’t to give happiness to your partner, then you need to check your heart. Why are you there??? If you find yourself in entanglements situationships relationships where you are constantly tryna get yours, then perhaps you’re the off one. Yeah, you heard. Youuuuuuuuuuu. It’s not everyday blame-a-brother you know lol. Sometimes you gotta take the responsibility sis! I really pray that we move away from toxic mindsets because we do so much damage to ourselves and to others. Come on guys, we can do so much better…

7. Infatuation is focused on external looks, Love is focused on internal character. Imma be real but lemme say this nicely – looks matter. Looks definitely matter, but looks cannot be everything. Standard. If your romance is fuelled by you being sexually attracted to your partner and not much else, that is not love, that’s a hot plate of infatuation. LOOOOOOOOOL. Guys, love is not blind of course and sexual attraction is important, but let that not be everything. What was that verse about charm being deceitful and beauty being fleeting? In fact, being driven by physical looks sounds a lot like something else we have mentioned on this blog……….hmmm…………..hmmmmm………….hmmmmmMMMmmmMMMMmmmm………..what was that thing called again? Oh yeah, lust.

8. Infatuation is seeking to get, Love is seeking to give. This is similar to point 6. What are you really here for? Like, why are you with the person that you are with? Is it for yourself or is it for the other person? Let me tell you what I have learnt on my love journey: love should be about the other person, not you. Love should be about giving the person all you would want to receive, not getting your ting. Yeah, no typo – it’s not about your ting my brudda. Flow with me for a second, but love should feel like a competition in who can be kinder to who. Do you get? Love should be giving and giving and giving until you have given it all. Sounds crazy right, but when it’s love, it doesn’t hurt.

9. Infatuation is possessive, Love is freeing. *deep sigh* So if you have read my blog or if you have been following for a while, you would know that I have lived experience of this lol. If you want the long story, please read the 6 Red Flags series, starting here, but if you want the short version, I was basically dating a guy who was dealing with a whole bag of insecurity and it manifested itself as jealousy aka possessiveness. Everyone and everything was competition to his love for me. Did I know that at the time? Of course not….but I can recognise it now. He was suspicious of my male friends, he thought I was spending too much time with my girlfriends, too much time at work, too much time at church. He didn’t want me talking to the waiter/server/assistant…..EVER. It gives me shivers when I recall it now because his behaviour was always cloaked with I-love-yous and gifts upon gifts. Trust me, standing here in 2020, I can say that that was not love. He may have thought that he loved me, but how could that be any kind of love? Guys, don’t fall for that. Love frees you. It gives you space to b r e a t h e. Are you getting that in your current? Did you get that in your past?? Do you want that for your future???

10. Infatuation is in love with “emotion”, Love is in love with “devotion”. Can we preach this one a lil? Ok cool. I don’t want love that is obsessed with emotion. I want love that is faithful. Your relationship should not be about emotions and feelings. It’s not everyday on cloud 9, I’m not gonna lie – love is commitment. It has integrity. It is faithful. Infatuation has a lot of feelings though, have you met them? Butterflies, lovesickness, goosebumps, tingles, shingles and a sly lightheadedness. But it’s not everyday emotion. Sometimes – all the time – we should look for something stronger. That’s mature, that’s intelligent, that’s love guys.

Wow. Ok so there it is. 10 ways to spot the real from the counterfeit.

Will you get it right all the time? Probs not. No shade, but nah boo, I don’t expect you too, and I don’t think you can.

I wish you would, but sometimes you are going to be led by your feelings, but I am encouraging you to push beyond your feelings and do that old boring Christian thing of trusting God.

Sis, I know, I know, that suuuuuuucks because it means you can’t be doing up night time convos with that guy who’s been sliding in your DMs. I knowwwwwww sis.

And bro, I get it – it’s a bit washed cos it means you can’t move to that girl who has been moving mad frisky on your TL. It’s h’okayyyyyyyyy my brudda, I get it. But I am tryna help you to help you to help us, so can we try?

In closing, you have a decision to make. Love or Infatuation – which one will you settle for? And yes, emphasis on “settle“.

You are going to have to stand in one or the other and one of the easiest ways, to see whether we are standing in love or infatuation is to consider “does it remind me of GOD?

God’s love is freeing. It gives us a chance to be ourselves, it trusts us to do the right thing and it knows that we don’t always but it covers us.

It strengthens us, it pushes us, it pulls us.

It corrects us, it rebukes us, it stirs us, it gives us ALL and EVERYTHING. It gave us Christ.

Let your love, and the love you find in your partner look like God’s.

Sacrificial love babes.

That’s the kind of love I want for you, and that’s the kind of love I want for myself. Let’s find it…

Until next week guys…

SS

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s